My ex-wife slopped [mayonnaise] on everything. We went through more mayonnaise in a month than I did in a year before I met her.
About the only thing I’ll use it on is a ham or bologna sandwich, but she’d slather it on everything. I almost exploded when I saw her smearing it on a fucking steak, and in a restaurant no less. It was almost a race to see who’d beat her ass first, me or the waiter. I know he was wondering what she was going to use it on when she asked him for it. Well, he found out.
Mayonnaise on a steak? The mind reels. (The stomach turns.) What on Earth could she have been thinking? Did she have no ketchup?