Expectations

I’m part of a men’s group here in town, and we’re all wrestling with our lives. I’d say my age is average for the group, although we have men as young as 21 and some that are 55+. It’s a group that holds each other accountable. We challenge each other. We don’t accept bullshit, and brutal honesty is the norm.

It’s a good group of guys.

I posited a question the other night, and nobody had an answer. To be honest, I don’t have an answer. The question is this:

What should a man expect out of marriage?

We all know what a woman should expect: Protection and provisions. A man’s job is to protect and provide for his family. But let’s take an older man for our example. The kids are moved out. The house is paid for. The pantry is full. What should a man be able to expect from his marriage?

If a man is supposed to continue working his ass off, what should he be getting in return?

Society today is more than willing to tell a female what they should deserve from a man. But society fails to tell men what they should expect from a woman. So I put the question to you, good readers: What should a man be able to expect out of marriage?

5 comments

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    • Monicool on October 17, 2024 at 3:37 AM

    Loyalty, respect, camaraderie, trust and a huge dose of love. I would never turn him down for sex snd i would alway be sure his stomach was full.

    • George Mckay on October 17, 2024 at 6:16 AM

    Kindness, respect, unconditional love are starters.  I can only tell you that my wife is the most wonderful person I have ever known.  I married a goddess and she has made me a king.  She supports me, loves me and respects me.  Through her I have become a better man and human being.  She tempers my anger with logic (yes logic) and love.  She shows me better ways to channel my anger or drive.  She keeps me sane when the world is going crazy.   
     
    I guess my answer would be love – unconditional and unending.  Honestly, you cannot demand it – it must come freely and without prompting.  If she cannot or will not she is not the woman for you.  I chose the best partner I possibly could have and am so much the better man for it.

  1. Marriage, as opposed to merely “shacking up” or living together, is primarily a financial arrangement, especially if children are not involved. I would go so far as to say that, if children are not involved, finances are the ONLY real reason to get married. 
    With that in mind, here is what I would expect marriage to be:
    Everyone contributes. 
    Both should be working. If both are working outside of the home, then both should also share in household chores like dishwashing, laundry, yard maintenance, and the like, or else both should be sharing the costs. 
    If only one is working, then the one who isn’t working should be performing all of the household tasks. 
    If neither is working, then they should share those tasks. 
    For finances, the costs of the household should be shared in proportion to that person’s income- if one makes double what the other makes, then they should be paying two thirds of the household expenses. 
    All of the other stuff about love, loyalty, and companionship can be done without marriage. However, it is a very bad idea to combine finances with someone that you are not legally bound to. That is a sure way to cause serious entanglements later down the road when the partnership ends, whether that end is through a breakup or through death. 

    • 91B40 on October 17, 2024 at 10:04 AM

    Respect.  Without respect, none of the other stuff above-mentioned will be forthcoming. 

    • Janet on October 17, 2024 at 7:45 PM

    The traditional Catholic answer is, the purposes of marriage are:  1) the mutual support of the spouses, especially for the salvation of their souls; 2) the begetting and raising of children; and 3) the protection from sins against the virtue of purity.
    These bind equally on both spouses– so both are responsible for providing for children, helping the other spouse bear his/her burdens, giving good example, etc.  The only specifically gendered responsibility is that the husband is, “ex officio” so to speak, the head of the new family formed by the marriage.  So it’s his responsibility to lead the family, and her responsibility to support him fully in that role.  But otherwise, their duties and responsibilities are more-or-less equal– specific tasks, such as earning money for the family, or doing particular work around the house, can be divided as the two spouses see fit, based on their respective likes and dislikes.
    So, in your example, after the kids are no longer in need of sustenance, etc. the expectation of both spouses is to support each other mutually in bearing their burdens– likely, that will be increasingly the physical and mental burdens of aging and illness, and possibly financial straits, but every marriage is different.  The husband should expect a home full of love and respect, a place where he can relax and be comfortable (despite both his and her imperfections and finiteness), and where both spouses do their part to make the “mechanics” of the household function smoothly.  

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