Sequels

     The news is blah – all the usual suspects doing all the usual things – so I’ll abstain from political and current events commentary for the morning. Instead, while we’re waiting for the coin toss that will mark the actual beginning of World War III – I’d elect to kick off – let’s talk about the monster that has consumed the entertainment world: sequels.

     It’s no secret that Hollywood is suffering from a severe case of sequelitis. Neither is it a brand-new condition. The early stage of the infection was already visible back in the Seventies. But today, sequelitis has made the movie theater, already eroded by the popularity of home viewing from DVDs and streaming services, into a museum that shows productions that pay homage to forebears from earlier eras.

     It isn’t confined to the movies. Sequels constitute ever more of the “content” offered by broadcast, cablecast, and streaming outlets. And as is the usual case with sequels, most of them are lesser achievements than their predecessors… when they’re not utterly horrid, feeble attempts to cash in on the original work.

     For example: Once upon a time, there was a movie titled Bloodrayne. At the time, it was generally deemed to be the worst movie ever made. It was so bad that anyone who thought to rent the Bloodrayne DVD at Blockbuster – say, remember Blockbuster Video? – would be warned by the clerk about how bad it is. That’s right: the clerks had orders from management to try to forestall the renting of that movie.

     But Bloodrayne has sequels. Two of them. So a movie’s awfulness isn’t an unbreachable barrier to sequels of it. It’s unclear whether anything is.

     Sequels of movies, sequels of TV shows, sequels of (shudder) classic novels – I haven’t read Scarlett and never will, but I’m told it’s about as bad as fiction gets – what else gets sequelized? And where is the bottom of the barrel?

     Let’s have some commentary, Gentle Reader. Give us your candidates for the worst sequels of all time, the ones that should have warned the “creators” of the world away from sequel-generating once and for all. What could be worse, say, than the endless sequels to the original Star Wars trilogy? Or the interminable, unwatchable sequels to the excellent Terminator and Terminator II: Judgment Day movies? And what about The Godfather Part III? Should the producers of that abortion be flayed, keelhauled, or staked out on an anthill?

     And while you’re at it: Give us your sacred cows, the productions you’d pay your life savings to prevent ever being sequelized. What movies, shows, or great novels would you be willing to have Congress protect against sequels by the force of law? I nominate The Lord of the Rings first and foremost… and I’d like to see the befoulers who produced Amazon’s Rings of Power atrocity hauled before the International Criminal Court to face charges of Capital Hubris and Bad Taste in the first degree.

     Your turn!