Joy Pullman’s excellent article on home cooking and family health got me thinking about some other consequences of American women’s transition from homemakers to office workers. In particular, I noticed a correlation between the departure of the homemaker and the amount of time minor children spend outdoors. Both mothers-as-homemakers and kids playing outdoors have declined dramatically.
Could there be a causal connection here? Or do the uncontrolled variables muddy the picture beyond our ability to reach a conclusion?
Of course, we can always reach a conclusion, if we’re willing to be reckless about it. Yet the correlation is quite strong. Do children become less willing to venture out when Mom is away from the house? Or is the kids’ increasing preference for indoor activities (or “inactivities”) driving Mom to seek somewhere else to be?
Yes, I offered the second possibility somewhat facetiously… but not entirely so. There have been many changes in American homes since the end of World War II. The departure of women from the home to the office is only one such. The disappearance of the three-generation household is another.
A three-generation household reduces the burdens on a mother of minor children. With more adults present, the stresses children can generate are dispersed. Mom can run errands more easily. Babysitters are less important. And of course, with Grandma and Grandpa around, the kids have an extra source of guidance.
I know of no three-generation households at this time. The “bare” nuclear family capable of living decently on a single income has become rare, almost “endangered.” I know of only one. What about you, Gentle Reader?
Then I asked the C.S.O. what she thought. She mentioned several other considerations that could be drivers, consequences, or both:
- Deferred motherhood;
- Substantially smaller families;
- Decreased willingness of grandparents to help with grandchildren;
- Lessened proximity and cultural commonality arising from suburbanization;
- And of course, the extreme increase in the cost of living, especially the raising of children.
I can’t untangle all the threads. Childbearing in late twenties / early thirties rather than in early twenties means fewer kids in the neighborhood. A lack of nearby kids to play with will have a depressing effect on kids’ outdoor time. If the grandparents are unwilling to share the homestead for some reason, or insist that “we have our own lives to live,” the burdens on mothers will increase. Families are less inclined to socialize with neighbors who “aren’t like us:” i.e., are of a different faith or ethnicity. And everything has been rising in price at a compounding rate. And let’s not neglect fear: the increase in reluctance to allow the kids out of eyeshot, whether from fear or predators or fear of the authorities and charges of “neglect.”
Given all of this, it’s not much of a mystery why American families are shrinking and our children are becoming increasingly isolated. There are fewer of us, we’re spread more thinly, we work more and harder than ever, our intergenerational bonds are weaker, and the damned bills are higher every year.
But I’d really like to see some kids toss a ball around now and then.
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“The “bare” nuclear family capable of living decently on a single income has become rare, almost “endangered.” I know of only one. What about you, Gentle Reader?”
I know of one in my immediate family. It’s not all that hard. It’s just hard if you are not willing to move where the cost of living is reasonable.
“Childbearing in late twenties / early thirties rather than in early twenties means fewer kids in the neighborhood.”
Yes and no. Just seeing kids in the neighborhood sparks a fire in some young couples. Don’t underestimate the value of being the good example.
“If the grandparents are unwilling to share the homestead for some reason, or insist that “we have our own lives to live,” the burdens on mothers will increase.”
I’m sure this exists, but I see mostly the other way around. People have embraced the boomer hate to such a degree that they do not want their parents to spend time with the family. I know of two families in my own small community who no longer get together for Christmas. They meet at a restaurant, Grandpa pays, they go out to the car and transfer the gifts from one trunk to the other (usually one way) then they go their separate ways. It rips them apart to only see their grandkids a few times a year, but at least they get that.
I currently live with my mother-in-law, my step-daughter, her husband and four kids, my wife and my four.
Two adults and a pension for income coming in.
“The “bare” nuclear family capable of living decently on a single income has become rare, almost “endangered.” I know of only one. What about you, Gentle Reader?”
Somewhat shockingly, I find that we are such a family – albeit with a single child. In my daughter’s close friend group there are 2 more. However, it’s probably worth noting that in 2 of these 3 cases, the non-career parent previously had a career and made good money that helped jumpstart the current ability to live on a single salary. In my case, my wife worked full-time professionally until Covid (coincidence, not for Covid-related reasons).
Also, we do live somewhere near the national average cost-of-living (outrageous as that currently feels).
“If the grandparents are unwilling to share the homestead for some reason, or insist that “we have our own lives to live,” the burdens on mothers will increase.”
When my niece and my daughter were born (seven years apart), my parents offered to move in (with my brother’s family and mine, respectively) to take care of the kids, so that both parents could continue to work full-time. Neither family took them up on the idea. I was very tempted, but here’s another place where I think that late child-bearing comes in to play.
Because we were (a) more set in our ways, and (b) more financially well off than we were in our late 20’s, we were able/willing to say “no” to what would have been a gigantic amount of help, not just in simple logistics, but in having family on-hand for advice and all the rest.
But because we were very able to visualize what compromises that would make to our own well-established routines, and we were not desperate, we chose to forego that benefit. Which clearly has knock-on effects down the line. Parents have (in the decade+ since) moved to warmer climes and many opportunities have moved with them.
In a curious turn of events, my wife and I find ourselves contemplating moving to be near my parents now. That is at least partially politically driven, but the possibility of grandparent availability is a big pull.
One other factor you didn’t mention was that when mothers work outside the home, children are often told not to leave the house until an adult gets home. When my siblings and I were children we were told not to either go outside or if outside, leave the fenced yard. We became more used to playing inside or reading because we weren’t allowed company either, without an adult at home. This method of parenting carried down to our children, so it’s definitely a factor to be considered.
@Rich D, “Also, we do live somewhere near the national average cost-of-living (outrageous as that currently feels).”
And it is outrageous. Thing is, though, that is a statistical artifact. Wherever people live more densely, the cost of living is higher. Since there are more people living in the higher cost of living areas, that drags the average up. My niece used to perform in Nashville, now she’s a session musician for several Nashville producers. She was able to do that on-line, so moved out into the middle of nowhere, and bought 40 acres and a quaint older home for about a fifth of what a dive in a bad neighborhood would have cost in Nashville.
Yeah, I get that there are a lot of careers where that isn’t an option. Plumbers have to live somewhere close to a lot of plumbing. The big silver lining out of Covid is that it lit the fire under companies to develop the means of making home offices more viable. We are only beginning to see the amazing future that is possible for our kids and grandkids.