The Real-Estate Blitz

     Until a few months ago, I was indisposed to believe that large, wealthy organizations are buying up America’s single-family homes. There are so many millions of single-family homes in the U.S. that it didn’t seem plausible. Yet people assured me that it’s happening, and that it’s a great part of what’s driving home prices ever higher. I simply reserved comment.

     Then the phone calls started coming.

     It was a trickle at first: a call every couple of days from someone named John or Bob or Joe who just wanted to “talk about your Long Island home.” At first I allowed the conversation to go on a sentence or two from there. But that phase didn’t last, and as soon as a caller asked “Do you own [this house]?” I’d say “I’m not interested in selling” and disconnect.

     These days, I get two or three such calls per day. Some of them arrive as late as 9 PM, which is especially irritating. Yesterday it struck me as no longer sufficient just to say “I’m not interested in selling.” So on the third such call of the day I indulged myself a wee bit:

     Caller: Do you own the property at [my address]?
     FWP: I do. I suppose you’re thinking of making me an offer for it?
     Caller: Yes, and—
     FWP: Stop there for a moment. Let me tell you a couple of things about my home that you can’t get from the town records office.
     Caller: Okay…
     FWP: I bought this property in 1979. I’ve lived here since 1980. That’s 45 years living in one place. Have you ever lived even ten years in one place?
     Caller: No, but—
     FWP: Please hear me out. Someone who lives in one place for an extended period of time is likely to make improvements to it, to make it better suited to him, his family, and their needs. Have you ever made an expensive improvement to your current home?
     Caller: No, but—
     FWP: I thought not. Well, I bought this house for $72,000 in 1979. Today, it assesses at nearly $700,000 market value: more than nine times what I paid for it. All kinds of real estate has shot up in price over that time, of course. But as I said, I’ve been making improvements the whole time. Some of them were very expensive. But today, my home is ideal for me. It has everything I need and nothing I don’t. And when I looked around at other homes in this area that I could buy for $700,000, I didn’t find even one that would suit me and my little family as well as this one. I’d have to make a lot of improvements to any of them. Now, as it took me 45 years to get this place into this shape, I’d have to expect that it would take 45 years to do the same to some other house. But I’m 72 years old. Do you think I have 45 years left to do home improvements?
     Caller: (Disconnects)

     I found that exercise strangely satisfying.