Apparently, men’s discovery of the minefield that is marriage in America today has been mirrored from the distaff side, albeit not for the same reasons:
American women have never been this resigned to staying single. They are responding to major demographic shifts, including huge and growing gender gaps in economic and educational attainment, political affiliation and beliefs about what a family should look like.
“The numbers aren’t netting out,” said Daniel Cox, director of the survey center at the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), a conservative think tank. He ticked off the data points: More women than men are attending college, buying houses and focusing on their friendships and careers over dating and marriage.
Stories of women complaining about the lack of quality men have long infused pop culture—from “Pride and Prejudice” to Taylor Swift’s oeuvre. Yet women throughout history rarely questioned whether finding and securing a romantic partner should be a primary goal of adulthood.
This seems to be changing. Over half of single women said they believed they were happier than their married counterparts in a 2024 AEI survey of 5,837 adults. Just over a third of surveyed single men said the same.
It’s not surprising that the general dismissal of marriage and family as a goal should have become bilateral. The tensions between the sexes have been stoked to an unprecedented level. Men have much to fear from the potential dissolution of a marriage, which is effortless for a wife to contrive. The socioeconomic changes since the Sixties have weakened one of women’s former inducements to seek a husband. Perhaps worst of all, contemporary media have encouraged both men and women to seek mates only available in fantasy novels.
Yet until recently, single women still sought the marital bond more enthusiastically than did single men. If there’s been an addition to the stew that specifically discourages women from seeking a mate, I’m unaware of it. But I have a particular interest in the “fantasy mate” business, as you might expect from one who… ah… writes fantasy.
Statistically, there will always be very few pinnacle-level individuals of either sex:
- There will always be very few men who are tall, extremely handsome, traditionally masculine, wealthy, and faultlessly chivalrous.
- There will always be very few women who are tall, beautiful, demurely feminine, and willing to devote themselves to a man.
The Bell Curve is like that. Add to the paucity of such fantasy mates that the god[dess] you yearn for must be unattached, sane, and must take a reciprocal interest in you. Most of us are unlikely to meet and click with such a paragon.
But modern entertainment is shot through with fantasy mates. They’re ubiquitous in both the printed and the visual media. Thus, we are subtly encouraged to seek them, and discouraged from taking an interest in anyone who “fails to meet our standards.”
Among formulas for failure, this one is near the top.
There’s no “solution,” if one views the situation as a “problem.” It’s the way things are and will probably remain for quite some time to come. Perhaps the swelling of the ranks of lonely singles, puzzled about how their lives have turned out, will stimulate some fresh thought about it, as our population dwindles and older folks’ stories for the young change coloration. But it will take more than occasional regret.
1 comments
Since the 1800s, if not before, the number of unmarried women has always exceeded the number of unmarried men.
The wars that have cut down large numbers of potential suitors always left a sizable number of women who had been ‘left on the shelf’.
The educated spinster is an archetype of American society. Most of them taught, or wrote, or dedicated themselves to ‘worthy’ causes. Mostly they were harmless. Some lived independently; others were dependent on the charity of their families.
The numbers of educated, and frankly unmarriageable women has reached a new high in recent years.
Most men aren’t eager to add to their debt load by proposing to a woman with massive school loans. The idea of being the last stop for a woman with many past partners, particularly if there are children involved, isn’t that enticing, either.
Add to that mix a disdain for men, insistence on having THEIR opinions be the ones that hold sway, and it’s no surprise that few men are willing to take on the burden of marriage.
Modern single women have managed to embed themselves in decently paid jobs – most of them working for government, or government-subsidized NGOs.
Be aware, in the next few months, the women whose not-really-needed employment will be coming to an untimely end will go gonzo – and, with women, that means what little emotional stability they have will likely snap.
Avoid crowds of women.