“In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man’s livelihood.” — Joe Pantoliano as “Guido,” in Risky Business It seems that a Constitutional amendment that would put term limits on federal legislators has been proposed by Senator Ted Cruz and Congressman Ralph Norman. While I heartily approve of this proposed amendment …
Category: humor
Dec 31 2024
Solved At Last!
I’m sure it will thrill the Gentle Readers of Liberty’s Torch to read that your Chief Content Provider, by dint of fearless and untiring research, has at long last penetrated to the flaccid heart of America’s socioeconomic problems. Yes, friends, relations, and assorted creditors, I have finally figured out what’s been going on. And …
Dec 13 2024
Conversations
Yes, we here at the Fortress of Crankitude are oeniacs. Unblushing lovers of the grape and its bounties. Properly fermented, of course: say, for about an hour and a half. That does give rise to some interesting conversations: FWP: It’s time to order another case of Seyval Chardonnay. CSO: Is that a screw-top? FWP: …
Nov 17 2024
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up Dept.
If you occasionally find yourself thinking, of some government official, “He’s nuttier than a fruitcake,” have a bite of this: is actually seeking treatment for her phobia of bananas, and government staff has to sweep rooms before official visits on ‘health grounds.’ The Telegraph reported: “Paulina Brandberg, the Swedish minister for …
Nov 16 2024
I Can’t Stop Laughing…
…and you won’t either, if you watch to the end: Wait for it, surprise ending.pic.twitter.com/Yd9i0rlDXr — Citizen Free Press (@CitizenFreePres) November 15, 2024 Shamelessly stolen from my hero David De Gerolamo.
Nov 07 2024
Pet Gripes
Now that a second Trump presidency is in prospect – and with Republican majorities in both houses of Congress, at that – everyone and his halfwit Uncle Herman is stepping forward with agenda items for the new administration. Quite a few are “old favorites” with broad appeal: cut taxes; reduce federal spending; return to …
Oct 14 2024
No, It’s Not Only In The U.S.
“Art” has gone crazy everywhere: NAPLES, Italy, Oct 10 (Reuters) – A new 12-metre artwork in one of Naples’ main squares by the late Italian designer Gaetano Pesce has raised eyebrows for its phallic appearance, coupled with a suggestive name. The cylindrical creation, called “Tu si’ ‘na cosa grande” (“You’re a big …
Oct 13 2024
Are You Aware Of All The Awareness Days?
Frankly, I’m not. But then, I’m the enviable position of being able to ignore just about anything that irks me. However, most others are less fortunate: I know it’s a cliché to be nostalgic when one is old, but I really preferred life when we weren’t encouraged to whine about everything under the …
Oct 11 2024
From The Church Bulletin Board
Apologies, Gentle Reader. I simply can’t bring myself to write about current events this morning; my mood’s too good. So instead, have a small collection of unintentionally (I hope) funny things found on church bulletin boards across America. Be prepared to do a lot of double-takes. *** The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes …
Oct 02 2024
Mountain High, Or Valley Lower?
Apparently, Mount Everest is still growing: New research has revealed that Mount Everest has grown by up to 160ft in the last 85,000 years. This is because a nearby river network has been cutting into the landscape around the mountain, pushing its peak further upwards. The erosion from the river is …
Sep 28 2024
When Life Hands You Lemons…
…you’re supposed to make lemonade, right? Well, some of our more astute businessmen are sweetening the lemonade: they’re using Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS) as an opportunity for profit! Shamelessly stolen from Bookworm Room: “If the country is worth saving, it’s worth saving at a profit.” – W. H. Hunt (Say, remember …
Sep 04 2024
Book Sale
Well, it’s that time again: BasedCon, which (as far as I know) is the only F&SF convention that must conceal its locale until the day it opens, is upon us. And so, in keeping with the tradition he’s established, is Hans G. Schantz’s Based Book Sale, in which all the books are $0.99 or …
Sep 03 2024
Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh
…and I did: A conservative estimate holds that there are 240 billion pennies lying around the United States — about 724 ($7.24) for every man, woman and child there residing, and enough to hand two pennies to every bewildered human born since the dawn of man. (To distribute them all, in fact, we’d …
Sep 02 2024
Stephen Kruiser Shows Us The Way
If you need a compact and genuinely pithy statement on someone or something of current interest, often the best source is a comedian. A comedian must understand both timing and brevity. Today’s example: When you scratch the surface of Kamala Harris, you hit more surface. She possesses all the depth of a deflated …
Sep 01 2024
Acquired Tastes
On occasion, I’ve heard people refer to various things they indulge in – foods and beverages, mainly – as acquired tastes. Also on occasion, I’ve tried whatever it was they were rhapsodizing about and said, whether to myself or out loud, “Why on earth did you want to acquire it?” This has caused me …
Aug 28 2024
How To Revitalize The Olympics
The Village Hemorrhoid is on the case: The Olympics have gotten to the point that ANYTHING can be called an Olympic event. I don’t watch all the crap on the Olympics but this year we taped most of the events we like and watched them later. This year was the year I found …
Aug 22 2024
Conversations
Breathes there a man who isn’t instantly and near-terminally irritated by cold-call salesmen? If anything it’s worse when the caller is selling something you don’t need, never have needed, and never will need barring an act of Congress or God. The impulse to shriek something obscene and slam the phone down can be close …
Aug 13 2024
Experts, The Bane Of Our Times
Aren’t you sick of them? I am… and I was one, back when. Experts – sometimes called “authorities” – seem to be everywhere today. And all of them ceaselessly proclaim this or that in stentorian tones. Nutrition experts, who all want to work for a government. Exercise experts, who drop dead while running. …
Aug 02 2024
Conversations
It happens, now and then, that there’s a wee communication gap between spouses. This is especially prevalent in marriages between one (1) man and one (1) woman. One of the few humorous passages in C. S. Lewis’s masterpiece That Hideous Strength speaks to that phenomenon most eloquently: “The cardinal difficulty,” said MacPhee, “in …
Fran’s Recent Novels
Margaret’s Recent Novels
