Category: humor

Where Are They Now?

     People occasionally ask this question about the formerly famous who are no longer mentioned in the entertainment magazines and gossip rags. “Whatever happened to Deanna Durbin?” rises the cry. “What became of Andrea McArdle?” was heard for years after Annie finished its run on Broadway. “And what about Naomi?” is heard in certain less-populated …

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Conversations

     When you reach a certain age, it becomes unwise to trust your memory absolutely. Now, I’ve always had a near-perfect memory, so it distresses me when I fail to remember something that, upon investigation, I really should have remembered. (Note to married men: This is why it’s both important and hazardous to keep a …

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Hard Times For Superherodom

     “What do you mean?” I hear you say. Well, you know how tough it can be when a trade gets overpopulated. Think of America’s legal profession. Today there are more than one million lawyers in these United States. More than a lawyer for every three hundred Americans. There simply isn’t enough legal work to …

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Oh My!

     I found this over at 90 Miles From Tyranny:      The curbs in Augusta, Georgia must be really high. Do you suppose the city council should be chided for tolerating such a hazard to the public?

Parodies Sometimes Improve On The Original

     Consider these two songs, the first the original by R.E.M.:      Now, the parody, by the immortal Al Yankovic:      Frankly, I prefer the parody. (I must also admit that I do like Spam®. Dad was a Navy man, and the stuff was a staple of his diet in his World War II years.)

Conversations

     There’s no way to predict in what direction a chat here at the Fortress of Crankitude will go. For example, recently the C.S.O. lamented the frequency of chicken in our dinner menu. Since that, she’s made a serious attempt to reduce the number of chicken occurrences per week. Knowing her proclivities as I do, …

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Too Good Not To Share

     If you don’t yet subscribe to The Babylon Bee, here’s a tiny taste of what you’re missing:      That publication is staffed by a gaggle of BLEEP!ing geniuses. The comedy industry should take lessons from them. Especially the blatantly unfunny ones on late-night television. But I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t …

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Modern Conveniences (UPDATED)

     Have you been pondering how to blow up the world, but keep laying the question aside because adequate means are just too hard to acquire? Well, perhaps your time has come!      Ten ounces of Antimatter in a conveniently recyclable can! That’s 283.5 grams of Antimatter. When Antimatter meets “regular” matter, the two mutually …

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A Perfect Visual Pun

     “Hot dogs chasing doughnuts through tunnels,” anyone?      Only in America!

Conversations

     The C.S.O. and I were bantering over dinner, deriding various social fads from the Sixties all the way to today, when this happened: FWP: But you know which was the silliest of them? CSO: Which one? They’re all pretty silly. FWP: Yeah, but…Free Love? CSO: Hm? FWP: C’mon! There’s no such thing as “Free …

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From The “You Don’t Say?” Files

     I was sitting in the waiting area of the neighborhood car wash, being subjected, as we all are from time to time, to a “complimentary” television broadcast. It was set to a local news station, and I could neither turn it off nor change the channel. I did my best to shut it out, …

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Conversations

     If you’re over the age of six, you’ve almost certainly heard someone use the phrase, “They say,” or “That’s what they say,” or “You know what they say.” (There may be other variants, but I think those will suffice.) Just this morning, the C.S.O. used one of those, which gave rise to the following …

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Everyday Humor

     My friends (that’s what I call them; never mind what they call me) say I have “a weird sense of humor.” They may be right; at any rate, I laugh at things other people find puzzling…or even repellent. But I have a good time, so I try not to let their opinion of my …

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Experts: The Quintessential Tragedy

     Good morning, Gentle Readers. I haven’t fallen deathly ill, taken a vow of inscripience (i.e., a vow not to write), or been kidnapped by the Scientologists. I’ve just been working feverishly on a novel you’ll soon be declining to purchase. At any rate, I trust you’ve all had pleasant weekends. Remember that today is …

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There’s No Escape

     I suppose I ought to have been more fatalistic. After all, it’s an old maxim that when your number’s up, your number’s up. (And a tautology’s a tautology.) But after defeating the last one – it took quite a lot of butter and salt – I’d hoped I could relax. Give up the cholesterol …

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Survey!

     Everybody’s taking surveys and polls lately. Seems that way, anyway. So I figured it’s time to survey the Gentle Readers of Liberty’s Torch on a few subjects of current importance.      For each of the statements below, please indicate, on a scale of 1 to 5, whether you: Disagree strongly; Disagree somewhat; Are indifferent; …

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FLASH! Breaking News!

     The super-secret investigators of Liberty’s Torch have made a shocking discovery. Anthony Fauci, for more than a year the federal government’s most recognizable face as regards all things COVID-19, has been revealed as a high executive of the Umbrella Corporation:      RACCOON CITY: Earlier today, Anthony Fauci was overheard deep in conversation with Albert …

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Occupational Grooves

     (Not to say ruts.)      It’s an appropriate time for some humor – I could frame a fair argument that it’s always an appropriate time for humor, but that’s a subject for another day – so have an old chestnut I first spotted about twenty years ago, when general access to the Internet was …

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Your Morning Giggle

     A morning that starts with a belly laugh presages a day that will be all right – and The Feral Irishman has provided us with one. Sadly, I can’t figure out how to copy or embed it, so head on over to Irish’s place and enjoy it there.      Laughter isn’t just the best …

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This Should Piss A Few Folks Off…

     …which, to my mind, is a good reason to post it: I’m a Boy / The Who One little girl was called Jean-Marie Another little girl was called Felicity Another little girl was Sally-Joy The other was me And I’m a Boy My name is Bill and I’m a head case They practice making-up …

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