The folks in the Mountain Dew R&D department didn’t overthink this one at all.
It feels like someone said, “What if we packaged hot dogs in Mountain Dew? Like we just dump Mountain Dew in the bag and slap a label on them. At the very least, stoners would probably buy them Hell, we can call them Dew Wieners.”
Eventually, someone else amended the name to “Dew Dogs” and now packs of glizzies with a radioactive glow can be picked up at your local supermarket.
If there’s anyone out there who can look at that picture and sincerely say that there’s intelligent life on Earth, he and I need to have a sit-down over a fresh bottle of Jameson’s.
Will someone please perfect space flight and find a planet far away that will support human life? Broadband Internet access is desirable but not required. I’ve just checked with my pastor, and as far as he knows, suicide is still a mortal sin.