“There’s about five fetishes you’ve got to go through to play the trombone….I was taught you should start warming up on a low note.” – Leo Kottke

     Happy New Year, Gentle Reader, especially to those in the audience who are “warming up on a low note” this morning. Have a “low note” to begin your 2023.

     The C.S.O. has a number of scented shower gels and body lotions. She rotates among them fairly regularly. This morning, upon emerging from her shower, the following conversation ensued:

CSO: I shall begin the New Year smelling like a Ballet Rose!
FWP: What does a ballet rose smell like?
CSO: Like me today, of course!

FWP: And why should a ballet rose smell differently than any other rose, anyway?
CSO: They just do. You know, roses are bred as much for aroma as anything else. Competitively, I mean.

FWP: Really?
CSO: Oh yes. Roses are bred for size, for color, for the number of petals, for year-round blooming, and for aroma as well.

FWP: And there’s an annual champion in each category?
CSO: I’m certain of it.

FWP: Say! Has anyone ever set out to breed a stink rose?
CSO: Hm?
FWP: You know, one that smells so awful that it can only be observed from a great distance?

CSO: I doubt it. Why would anyone want a rose like that?
FWP: Well, it would keep intruders out of the rose bushes, for one thing.
CSO: The thorns are good enough for that.

FWP: But wouldn’t the sight of a few dozen choking and gagging rose snobs be a delight? There might be military applications, too. Think of it: the area denial rose. For strategic applications, we’d have the counterforce rose. Just imagine it: a rose that can be used in a first strike!
CSO: (grunts) I can see this will be quite a year.
FWP: (preens)

     And so we begin.


  1. The corpse flower is quite sufficient. We don’t need to weaponize roses.

    I wish both you and the CSO a delightful *and fragrant) New Year!

  2. That is indeed a low note.
    Happy New Year.

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