With the rapid ascent of “artificial intelligence” software have come considerable strides in an area that’s long interested me: software that can easily and usefully translate among languages. And yes: AI is definitely required to do the job properly. The reason is the idiosyncratic nature of human communication. We rely on idioms and cultural conventions to convey meaning far more often than most of us are aware.
What I didn’t know until quite recently is that the translators have advanced so greatly that they can now handle Dog! Now, thanks to the geniuses at Uranus Corp®, you really can understand what your pooch is trying to tell you. However, it requires that you aim your computer’s camera at Fido, as much of Dog is expressed with facial expressions and body language.
Here’s an automated translation of a recent emission from my dog Sophie, a 13 year old German Shepherd mix:
WHAT I SAW AND HEARD:
[Sophie holds tail high, does partial forward squat, and offers a wide grin] Woof! Ur, Ur! [concludes with protracted purr-like hum]
WHAT SHE MEANT:
“I’ve been waiting for hours for you to take me outside and throw the BLEEP!ing ball for me to chase, and all you do is sit there at the BLEEP!ing computer and argue with morons on the BLEEP!ing Internet.”
Of course, Uranus doesn’t guarantee that you’ll like the result.
Things Come Out Just A Little Differently.
[Uranus Corp. Motto]