Way back when I was young and feckless, I and a few others of like disposition would fritter away our free time concocting headlines and cover images for such august publications as The Weekly World News and The Star. Much time has passed, and I remember few of those compositions, but what sticks in the memory is how we’d strain to produce all manner of absurdities and puns. A few samples:
- Tortured for Nine Years By Two Corns And A Wart!
- Elvis Returns With Revolutionary Diet Plan!
- Albanian Commissar Enthroned As Duchess of York!
Well, of course they had to be boldfaced, italicized, and end with an exclamation point. That’s how you compete for the attention of the shoppers waiting for the attention of the checkout clerk.
But my fond memories must yield pride of place to a genuinely great example of the art, which I hereby immortalize here at Liberty’s Torch:
Truly, we are not worthy.