Your Morning Stupidity

     Just a little something to kickstart your day. However, some of it has a point, an edge, or both, so watch your fingers.


1. The Anchor Men On The IQ Curve.

     From Divemedic, we have this:

     …which – of course! – reminded me of this:

     Yes, Gentle Reader: there really are people that stupid in the world. I’ve met an unfortunate number thereof.


2. A Debatable Proposition?

     I have a sweatshirt that’s emblazoned with the slogan “IT’S OKAY TO BE WHITE” in large, friendly letters. (Well, it is, isn’t it?) I haven’t worn it much lately – for Gentle Readers from the Southern Hemisphere, it’s been a trifle warm up here lately – but as luck would have it, I had to wear it to go shopping just yesterday. (Laundry day has its own imperatives.)

     Supermarkets can be…interesting places. Normally I don’t speak to anyone while shopping; I’m far too committed to breaking the Land Shopping Speed Record. (Ladies, if you fail to grasp the overwhelming importance of this, ask your menfolk about it. I’m confident that they’ll concur.) Yesterday was not an exception. However, my sweatshirt caused a lot of hairy eyeballs, plaintive “Why are you wearing that?” inquiries, and as time passed, other shoppers to congregate in conversational knots, apparently to debate the proposition. It was a challenge to respond to all that with nothing but a silent smile.

     As it happens, I did speak to someone before leaving the store: the checkout clerk. (Yes, we still have a few representatives of that rapidly disappearing species on Long Island. The eastern part, anyway.) It was a memorable exchange. He read the lettering on my shirt, grimaced, nodded, and said “Do you have a Stop and Shop card?”

     I said “Yeah,” and presented it.

     He rang me up, took my money, helped me to pack, and said “Have a nice day.”

     Ah, social life!


3. Things No One Has Ever Said Nor Ever Will.

     I intend for this to be an ongoing effort, as the domain of possible human experiences must surely include at least a few options that are too bizarre to occur outside the imagination:

  • Mother to child: “You finish your ice cream, or you’ll get no liver and onions!”
  • Neighbor to neighbor: “Sure, you can borrow my [insert expensive tool here] for as long as you like.”
  • Supervisor to subordinate: “I wish you hadn’t done such a good job on this.”
  • Customer to merchant: “You really should charge a lot more for this.”
  • Prostitute to customer: “No, keep your money. That was too much fun for me to charge you.”
  • Customer to prostitute: “I just want to sit and chat with you about politics.”
  • Politician to reporters: “I’d like to refute the charges, but in all honesty I can’t. I’m too obviously guilty.”

     Feel free to submit further candidates in the comments.


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    • Evil Franklin on August 14, 2023 at 8:44 AM

    It’s OK to be Aryan.

    Leftist to Rightist: I’d like to express my opinion, but, allow me to drink this Draino first.

    The Plan
    Author unknown

    In the beginning was the Plan.
    Then came the assumptions and the assumptions were without form, and
    the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was upon the face
    of the employees.
    They spoke among themselves saying “It is a crock of shit and it stinks!”
    The employees went unto their supervisors saying, “It is a pail of dung and
    none may abide the odor thereof.”
    The supervisors went unto their managers saying, “It is a container of excrement
    and it is very strong such that none may abide by it.”
    The managers went unto their Division Managers saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer
    and none may abide its’ strength.”
    The Division Managers went unto their System Managers saying, “It contains that which aids
    plant growth and it is very strong.”
    The System Managers went unto the General Manager saying, “It promotes growth and is
    very powerful.”
    The General Manager went unto the Board saying, “This new Plan will actively promote
    growth and efficiency of this organization.”
    The Board looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good and the Plan became policy.

    • Evil Franklin on August 14, 2023 at 8:57 AM

    A Day Off
    author unknown

    So, you want the day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking.
    There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year
    in which you already have two days off per week. This leaves 261 days available
    for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work you have used up 170
    days, leaving only 91 days available.
    You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each
    year. Now your down to 68 days available to work. With a one hour lunch period
    each day you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 working days. You normally
    spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves only 20 days available for work.
    We are off for 5 holidays per year, so, your available working time is down to 15
    days. We generously give you 14 days vacation per year. Now, just let me check my
    math, Hmmm. That leaves just ONE day available for work and I’ll be damned if you’re
    going to take that day off!

    Evil Franklin

    • Evil Franklin on August 14, 2023 at 9:02 AM

    Religious View of Life
    author unknown

    Taoism: Shit happens
    Confucianism: Confucious say, “Shit happens.”
    Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn’t really shit.
    Zen: What is the sound of shit happening.
    Hinduism: This shit happened before.
    Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
    Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
    Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
    Judiasm: Why does shit always happen to us.
    Atheism: I don’t believe this shit.
    Agnosticism: What is this shit?

    Evil Franklin

    1. You left out the best of them:
      Rastafarian: Let’s roll this shit up and smoke it!

        • Evil Franklin on August 14, 2023 at 10:44 AM

        I can’t take credit, but, yeah. Whoever came up with this list missed a good one.

        Thank you

        Evil Franklin

    • Dennis P Shea on August 15, 2023 at 6:31 PM

    “Hand me that piano” — Lenny Bruce “American”

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