Your Morning Stupidity

     Just a little something to kickstart your day. However, some of it has a point, an edge, or both, so watch your fingers.

1. The Anchor Men On The IQ Curve.

     From Divemedic, we have this:

     …which – of course! – reminded me of this:

     Yes, Gentle Reader: there really are people that stupid in the world. I’ve met an unfortunate number thereof.

2. A Debatable Proposition?

     I have a sweatshirt that’s emblazoned with the slogan “IT’S OKAY TO BE WHITE” in large, friendly letters. (Well, it is, isn’t it?) I haven’t worn it much lately – for Gentle Readers from the Southern Hemisphere, it’s been a trifle warm up here lately – but as luck would have it, I had to wear it to go shopping just yesterday. (Laundry day has its own imperatives.)

     Supermarkets can be…interesting places. Normally I don’t speak to anyone while shopping; I’m far too committed to breaking the Land Shopping Speed Record. (Ladies, if you fail to grasp the overwhelming importance of this, ask your menfolk about it. I’m confident that they’ll concur.) Yesterday was not an exception. However, my sweatshirt caused a lot of hairy eyeballs, plaintive “Why are you wearing that?” inquiries, and as time passed, other shoppers to congregate in conversational knots, apparently to debate the proposition. It was a challenge to respond to all that with nothing but a silent smile.

     As it happens, I did speak to someone before leaving the store: the checkout clerk. (Yes, we still have a few representatives of that rapidly disappearing species on Long Island. The eastern part, anyway.) It was a memorable exchange. He read the lettering on my shirt, grimaced, nodded, and said “Do you have a Stop and Shop card?”

     I said “Yeah,” and presented it.

     He rang me up, took my money, helped me to pack, and said “Have a nice day.”

     Ah, social life!

3. Things No One Has Ever Said Nor Ever Will.

     I intend for this to be an ongoing effort, as the domain of possible human experiences must surely include at least a few options that are too bizarre to occur outside the imagination:

• Mother to child: “You finish your ice cream, or you’ll get no liver and onions!”
• Neighbor to neighbor: “Sure, you can borrow my [insert expensive tool here] for as long as you like.”
• Supervisor to subordinate: “I wish you hadn’t done such a good job on this.”
• Customer to merchant: “You really should charge a lot more for this.”
• Prostitute to customer: “No, keep your money. That was too much fun for me to charge you.”
• Customer to prostitute: “I just want to sit and chat with you about politics.”
• Politician to reporters: “I’d like to refute the charges, but in all honesty I can’t. I’m too obviously guilty.”

     Feel free to submit further candidates in the comments.