Sexual Disjunctions

     Sarah Dawn Moore, with whose oeuvre I’m largely unfamiliar, has posited five major reasons for the trend of “men going their own way:”

  • Marriage: An Unattractive Proposition for Men
         Men are questioning the value of traditional marriage, given the increasing divorce rates and financial risks they face. With no guarantee of stability and custody issues, many men are opting for alternatives to marriage.
  • Lack of Traditional Women
         There seems to be a disconnect between what women expect from men and what they are willing to bring to the table. The desire for traditional men clashes with the decline of traditional roles in modern society.
  • Dating Based on Potential
         The emphasis on material wealth and status has skewed dating preferences, leading to unrealistic expectations from men. Potential and character are often overshadowed by income and financial metrics.
  • Fear of Rejection and Social Backlash
         Men feel torn between the desire to approach women and the fear of public humiliation or being labeled negatively. The Me Too movement and instances of public shaming have left men cautious about initiating contact.
  • Dating Expenses and Financial Strain
         The cost of dating can be burdensome for both men and women, impacting their financial stability and affecting their dating choices. A shift towards more affordable and realistic dating options is necessary.

     Miss Moore discusses these influences sympathetically to the position of unmated men in this 17-minute video. She’s largely correct, but those five bullet points omit some of the less-discussed problems in today’s increasingly awkward and anxiety-filled mating dance:

  • The mechanisms that bring single people together today are few and weak.
  • Working women have little time, energy, and incentive to make themselves available.
  • Today’s legal environment disincentivizes marriage, fatherhood even more so.
  • Today’s social environment is highly tolerant of perpetual singlehood.
  • Feminists’ insistent preaching to women that “men are the enemy” has had terrible effects.

     All that having been said – and it takes a brave woman to say all of it boldly – Miss Moore is on target. Is hers an example of a rising trend? May we expect other sensible and eloquent women to echo her sentiments? We can hope. But for now, the dating-and-mating minefield remains one to navigate with great caution – and young single men know it. For an unfortunate number, the appeal is insufficient.

     One of the consequences is an accumulation of women in their thirties and forties who are unmated and have despaired of doing so. Some are divorced, or have had extended relationships that lapsed unpleasantly. Some have children by men no longer in their lives. And many are bitter. That’s additional grist for the mill of male-female distrust.

     Some years ago a well-known commentator said, candidly and publicly, that he’d elected to “go gay” because women didn’t seem to him to be worth the trouble. They wanted too much, were willing to give too little, and most had too much baggage. That’s not something you’ll hear from many homosexuals, of course. The overwhelming majority insist that their homosexuality is innate; they can’t flip it by sheer willpower. But that one voice was a breath of fresh air, albeit unpleasantly scented.

     The sexes currently appear to have incompatible goals. Some feminist opinion-mongers think that’s as it should be, and are exhorting young women to render themselves essentially independent of men. But we have Sarah Dawn Moore, and perhaps a few other commentators, to speak good sense. I hope they prove enough to reverse the tides of the moment.