Marital Matters

     This might become an occasional feature at Liberty’s Torch. There are few things that interest me more than the pressures on marriage and families today. The rise of militant feminism has exacerbated the natural tensions that will always exist between men and women. Yea verily, even when he’s an actual man and she’s an actual woman. Nowhere have those tensions produced funnier / sadder stories than in the last moments before the supposedly happy couple tie the knot.

     In all probability, as few of my Gentle Readers live in an unelectrified cave, you’ve heard the term “Bridezilla” and have read a few tales about such. A “Bridezilla” story that amuses you will seldom be about someone you’re fond of. That would make it too painful. But some such tales are instructive, and deserve to be propagated. The following is one such, shamelessly stolen from the frugal-living publication Money Awaits:

     The bride was always complaining about how the groom was “wishy-washy” with picking a date, while he was always silent. The mother of the bride was your stereotypical Brooklyn Jewish Mother and had her hand in EVERYTHING to make sure things were perfect for her little princess.

     Well, the engagement party starts, and everyone except for the couple seem to be having a great time.

     Then, halfway through the party, we suddenly heard the girl scream at her fiancé “WE WILL NEVER HAVE A CHRISTMAS TREE IN MY HOUSE, SO YOU CAN GET OVER IT!!!!” And from there it devolved into a shouting match between the couple, who moved from the banquet room to the lobby so their “guests” couldn’t hear the argument.

     (Didn’t work. They heard everything).

     Apparently, she was Jewish and he was Protestant and not once in their relationship had they discussed religion. They went at it on and off for two hours.

     She was screaming at the top of her lungs about how their (non-existent) children would be raised Jewish, and how his traditions didn’t matter. Her mother was standing at her side, nodding in agreement, and interjecting occasionally with a “that’s right” or “you tell him.”

     The groom was pleading for her to at least compromise to let him at least invite his pastor from his hometown for the wedding, and said that their (non-existent) children could possibly do things with his parents for Christmas, even if they didn’t celebrate.

     The guests just kept partying, pretending nothing was happening, but you could see on all of their faces that they wanted to leave.

     Only, well, they couldn’t since they would have to pass by the couple to get to the only exit. Only after two hours and the argument eventually devolving into her INSISTING her children would never see a Christmas tree in their whole lives, the groom finally dejectedly said, “Well then maybe this isn’t going to work.”

     She threw her ring at him and said, I swear to god, “THEN WHY DID YOU LET ME MAKE YOU PROPOSE?!?!?!?!?!?!” She then changed her mind, picked up the ring, and said, “Whatever. I’m keeping this.” Then she stormed off. Her mother looked at her ex-potential-son-in-law, told him he was an idiot for letting her baby go, and went after her.

     I’ve NEVER seen a banquet room clear out so fast. Within 15 minutes, everyone was gone and it was a ghost town. From the looks of it, everyone took their “gifts” with them, too.

     I hope Money Awaits won’t be too ticked off at me for lifting that tale wholesale from its pages. It’s one vignette in a much longer article. While the other Bridezilla incidents it recounts are amusing in the horrifying way that characterizes the genre, the one I filched speaks volumes. It asks questions that every man must ask his beloved before they “get serious:”

  • What are your religious beliefs?
  • Do you have an aversion to any other religious beliefs or practices?
  • If we have children, in what religion will we raise them?

     Moreover, he must be satisfied with nothing less than absolutely clear answers, and he must be convinced that they will not change.

     Clearly, the groom-to-be in the above story never made such a demand of his intended. He probably lacked the courage. The consequences speak for themselves.


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    • George Mckay on October 15, 2023 at 6:54 AM

    Fran, I don’t think Judaism and Christianity mix in a marriage.  This Jewish princess would never compromise.  This is tantamount to mixing oil and water – it does not work without some compromise.  Of course, having a Christmas tree or not is an asinine reason to end a marriage – even one so new but, communication is key here.


    I talked with my soon to be wife at length about her goals, aspirations and feelings.  We were married 5 years before our first son was born.  We knew each other in most respects – physically and emotionally.  Over the years there have been a very few surprises.  She knows me and I know (at least I think I do) her.   To be honest though, I get a few curve balls across the bow from time to time.


    Some churches have classes to help prospective marriage candidates make an informed decision and perhaps this should be mandatory?

    1. I considered it both a blessing, and a lucky accident that I met my husband in a Catholic Young Adults group. We had no major issues to handle with our shared religion, and it did make establishing a family far more congenial.

  1. Honestly, it sounds like this guy dodged a bullet this time. But I doubt he’s learned his lesson.

    • Scott Freitas on October 16, 2023 at 2:46 AM

    Neither one was very serious  in their beliefs if they made it all the way to the altar before realizing that Jewish and Christian spousal arrangements do not work out.

    The woman must be a mere “observant” Jew, ala Steven Spielberg. If she was orthodox, she would never have gotten involved with him in the first place.

    The “christian” man is probably simply culturally christian–the Protestant equivalent of an observant Jew.

    Either way, I’m glad I found your site again, Francis, you beloved curmudgeon!

    Yesterday, I somehow deleted the bookmark for it. Then I tried to find you by entering “Innocents novel Francis P (I couldn’t remember how to spell your last name) into search engines, one Brave and the other at Kindle.


    You should not be amused, Francis, to learn that Kindle seems to have cancel-cultured you as much as they can. Your “Innocents” novel never appears alongside the name Francis P, which should have been more than enough description for Kindle to find it. But no. Instead they gave me what seemed like 10,000 other books with “Innocent” in its title, and yours never appearing at all.


    Regardless, thanks to visiting Doug Ross’s site, where your site is included among a long list of other conservative sites, I found you!


    I have your last name, Porretto, firmly memorized now. This is one Gentle Reader who hopefully won’t lose your site again! Cuz man, I missed it!












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