Never…Well, SELDOM On Sunday

     I don’t awaken to a lot of news-rich Sundays. Generally, that’s to the good, as Sunday tends to be the busiest day of my week. Still, it’s nice to have something to rant and rave about. A news-deprived day is a blogger’s definition of frustration.

1. Vending Machines.

     The C.S.O.’s morning begins with the Wall Street Journal. (Be nice; she’s an accountant.) But the Journal isn’t the stodgy rag of yore, focused exclusively upon matters commercial and financial. It carries articles on many things today…such as this one:

     With a brick of cash in his hand and a grin on his face, Jaime Ibanez shows his half-million YouTube subscribers a path to earning money without burning many calories: Vending machines.
     In videos with titles such as “This Is HOW MUCH My Vending Machines Made IN 7 DAYS!!” the swoopy-haired 23-year-old Texan makes the rounds to his 51 machines, stocking them and taking the profits.
     His channel promotes the idea that with diligence and luck, anyone can go from snacks to riches.

     That article made the C.S.O.’s eyes light up. (Nothing will do that faster than “passive income.” It’s the accountant’s Holy Grail.) This exchange followed:

CSO: Why don’t we get into this?
FWP: Would you want to do all that driving?

CSO: Hmm…good point. What if we kept all the machines near to us?
FWP: Well, okay, but what are you going to vend that isn’t available a thousand other places?

     A brief yet tension-filled silence ensued as the C.S.O. sifted through the universe of possibilities. Then:

CSO: Hosts! There’s a priest shortage, right?
FWP: (nonplussed) Huh? Uh, yeah.

CSO: Put vending machines filled with consecrated hosts in the vestibules of churches! Think of the time and labor savings! Walk in, insert a ten-dollar bill, get your host, and walk out! No need for expensive personal service!
FWP: I don’t think it would play, Sweetie.

CSO: (draws herself up) Why not?
FWP: For one thing, it would be considered simony. More than that, people like that expensive personal service. It helps justify their weekly contributions.

CSO: Oh. Well, it was a thought.
FWP: Original, too. Blasphemous, but original. But… (grins evilly)

CSO: What, Sweetie?
FWP: Maybe not consecrated hosts, but if you could fill your vending machines with absolutions, I’d say you’ve got something!

     Yeah, yeah, I know I’m going to Hell.

2. Boobs.

     There are few things more eye-catching than a fabulous rack. From the youngest infant to the oldest dirty old man, the female bust is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. And so, a young woman with notable knockers will get a lot of attention should she put them on display. However, this tends to evoke resentment from the not-so-generously-endowed:

     For those not living perpetually online, [actress Sydney] Sweeney’s au naturale double D bombs set off one of the most brutal, bloody battles in our raging culture wars.
     While co-hosting “Saturday Night Live” last weekend, the 26-year-old actress leaned into her famous bust, playing a stacked Hooters waitress in one sketch.
     During the show’s wrap-up, she donned a plunging black frock that showed off her girls, bouncing as she enthusiastically dished out the customary thank-yous.
     The image of the blonde’s embonpoint boomeranged online, drawing lusty appreciation from dudes.

     But these days, even Mom’s Milk Jugs are regarded as a political subject:

     Writer Amy Hamm argued in the National Post that Sweeney’s breasts were beating back woke culture and the clever Bridget Phetasy heralded the return of boobs for The Spectator.
     “For anyone under the age of twenty-five, they’ve likely never seen it in their lifetime — as the giggling blonde with an amazing rack has been stamped out existence, a creature shamed to the brink of extinction,” Phetasy wrote.
     And then, blowback from the left flank: a flurry of angry tweets including one from writer Ali Barthwell who admitted she couldn’t get past the paywall to read Phetasy’s analysis but called Phetasy’s premise, “fatphobia, misogyny, anti-blackness, transphobia just rolled into one” anyway.
     “These weird conservatives are lifting up sydney sweeney for being a thin cis white blonde with big boobs because they are mad other body types have also been on tv,” she wrote.

     Poor Sydney. Everything I’ve read about her suggests that she’s a perfectly nice girl, as well as being drop-dead gorgeous. But those two perfect double-D spheres have forced her, willy-nilly, into the political sphere! And once you’ve been shoved in there, it can take more than a (ahem) jiggle of the doorknob to get out.

     I’ll be watching this…fascinating case. Closely!

3. Vegans.

     There’s a joke making the rounds:

     The bus driver had closed the doors, engaged the first gear, and was pulling away from the curb when a nearby passenger shouted “Wait! Someone’s chasing you!”
     Startled, the driver clutched and braked, bringing the bus to a somewhat awkward halt halfway into the intersection. He immediately spotted the pursuer, a young woman running full-tilt toward his bus. As she arrived, he quickly opened the bus doors expecting her to scurry up the stairs and find a seat.
     Instead, the young woman stood there, huffing, puffing, and grinning as if she’s just won a race. After a few seconds, the driver, perplexed, said, “Well, aren’t you going to board?”
     “Oh no,” the young woman said. “I’m not going anywhere. I just wanted to tell you that I’m vegan.”

     Whether or not it strikes you as funny, the unsolicited “I’m vegan” announcement seems to be all the rage in human intercourse today. But perhaps not for long:

     Welcome to our article on Trans Veganism, a lifestyle choice that combines two unique identities: veganism and transgenderism. Trans Veganism is an extension of the veganism philosophy that promotes compassion, empathy and equality towards all living beings.
     So, what is Trans Veganism? It is a lifestyle choice that brings together the principles of veganism and transgenderism, promoting a compassionate and eco-friendly approach towards food and identity. Trans Veganism is not just about what you eat, but how you live your life, and how you express your identity in the world.
     Trans veganism is a unique lifestyle that combines two seemingly different movements – veganism and transgenderism. However, upon closer inspection, one can see that these two movements share a lot of common themes, such as compassion, empathy, and equality. Both movements promote a vision of a more just, fair, and equitable world.
     At the intersection of veganism and transgenderism, we find that both movements share a commitment to challenging the status quo and the dominant power structures that oppress individuals and groups. Veganism seeks to challenge the animal agriculture industry, which is notorious for its cruelty and exploitation of animals. Transgenderism, on the other hand, seeks to challenge the gender binary and the patriarchal structures that enforce gender norms and restrict personal expression.

     I suppose we can expect this to displace the simple “I’m vegan” declaration in the near future. Or perhaps not! Perhaps they’ll duke it out. Other “communities” among the crack-brained have begun to do so. There can be only one marginalized intersectional victim group on the pinnacle of Mount Oppression.

     I owe something to Dave Blount for this citation…but I’m not sure it’s my thanks.

     That’s all for the moment, Gentle Reader. I might be back with something more later. Until then, enjoy your Laetare Sunday. (Fudge sauce and sprinkles not included.)