Category: humor

The Wide World Of Pranks

     We’ve all heard about them. Some of us have perpetrated them. The easier and more common ones – filling someone’s bedroom with Styrofoam® peanuts, or turning every item in his room upside-down – have lost their humor value through overuse and are merely irritating. But there are still a few that can tickle one…as …

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Fun As A Sociopolitical Weapon (UPDATED)

     Good morning, and Happy Pi Day, to all my Gentle Readers. It comes but once a year, so make the best of it. Do something round. Do something irrational. Perhaps – if you can work it out – do something Eulerian: eiπ + 1 = 0      And do it loud!      Now, on …

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Conversations

FWP: [pouring his third cup of the morning] Thank You, God for coffee, the chemical without which modern life would be impossible….You know, that’s one of the great mysteries of human history. CSO: Hm? What do you mean? FWP: Well, the coffee plant is native to South America, right? CSO: Yeah… FWP: And Europeans didn’t …

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Curmudgeonry In A Nutshell

     [As I’m coming off an unsatisfactory book giveaway, and the question “Why do you style yourself a curmudgeon?” has been asked afresh, I shall give myself an easy day by reposting this exegesis, which first appeared at Liberty’s Torch V1.0 in March of 2020 — FWP] ***      Long time Gentle Readers are aware …

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There Have Been Days…

     …when an image I encountered by chance has infiltrated my thought processes and refused to budge. Those Gentle Readers who remember this short story will know how that can affect me.      Well, today, courtesy of Knuckledraggin’ My Life Away, we have another such image:      …and it has compelled me to recycle an …

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Conversations

     Ours is a “mixed” household: One (1) Catholic husband (me); One (1) agnostic-Jewish wife (Beth, a.k.a. the C. S. O.); Three dogs (Sophie, Precious, and Joy); Four cats (Uriel, Fluffy, Chloe, and Zoe).      (The cats sacrifice to Bastet. I have no idea whom the dogs worship. Possibly Dick Van Patten.)      The consequences …

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Ultra-Quickies: Conical Pizza?

     I sometimes lament my memory. It’s too good; it forces me to remember things I’d rather forget. But then something like this comes along:      A lot of people like to make rules around what pizza is and isn’t. From where a pizza is made to what toppings are on it, a pizza can …

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Alert! Alert!

     They killed him! The wisest man on Earth, a godlike being with superior intelligence who has absolute evidence and proof of his theory. He could not have expired from any natural cause. He’s been taken from us by the Worldwide Single-Day-Time Conspiracy!      To gauge the immeasurable height, width, and depth of what we …

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Saint Stephen

     Today, December 26, is the feast day of Saint Stephen, one of the first (some accounts make him the very first) martyrs to the Christian faith. Here’s what this morning’s missive from the Catholic Company has to say about him:      St. Stephen (1st. c.) was one of the Church’s first deacons in Jerusalem …

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A Bridge Out In The Highways Of The Mind

     Just a little while earlier, I was grumbling over my inability to get my snowblower serviced for the coming winter. It led to other, semi-connected thoughts. The first was why, at my advanced (and still advancing) age I should be wrestling with a deadly device that’s more than twice as heavy as I am. …

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Where Are They Now?

     People occasionally ask this question about the formerly famous who are no longer mentioned in the entertainment magazines and gossip rags. “Whatever happened to Deanna Durbin?” rises the cry. “What became of Andrea McArdle?” was heard for years after Annie finished its run on Broadway. “And what about Naomi?” is heard in certain less-populated …

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Conversations

     When you reach a certain age, it becomes unwise to trust your memory absolutely. Now, I’ve always had a near-perfect memory, so it distresses me when I fail to remember something that, upon investigation, I really should have remembered. (Note to married men: This is why it’s both important and hazardous to keep a …

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Hard Times For Superherodom

     “What do you mean?” I hear you say. Well, you know how tough it can be when a trade gets overpopulated. Think of America’s legal profession. Today there are more than one million lawyers in these United States. More than a lawyer for every three hundred Americans. There simply isn’t enough legal work to …

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Oh My!

     I found this over at 90 Miles From Tyranny:      The curbs in Augusta, Georgia must be really high. Do you suppose the city council should be chided for tolerating such a hazard to the public?

Parodies Sometimes Improve On The Original

     Consider these two songs, the first the original by R.E.M.:      Now, the parody, by the immortal Al Yankovic:      Frankly, I prefer the parody. (I must also admit that I do like Spam®. Dad was a Navy man, and the stuff was a staple of his diet in his World War II years.)

Conversations

     There’s no way to predict in what direction a chat here at the Fortress of Crankitude will go. For example, recently the C.S.O. lamented the frequency of chicken in our dinner menu. Since that, she’s made a serious attempt to reduce the number of chicken occurrences per week. Knowing her proclivities as I do, …

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Too Good Not To Share

     If you don’t yet subscribe to The Babylon Bee, here’s a tiny taste of what you’re missing:      That publication is staffed by a gaggle of BLEEP!ing geniuses. The comedy industry should take lessons from them. Especially the blatantly unfunny ones on late-night television. But I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t …

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Modern Conveniences (UPDATED)

     Have you been pondering how to blow up the world, but keep laying the question aside because adequate means are just too hard to acquire? Well, perhaps your time has come!      Ten ounces of Antimatter in a conveniently recyclable can! That’s 283.5 grams of Antimatter. When Antimatter meets “regular” matter, the two mutually …

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A Perfect Visual Pun

     “Hot dogs chasing doughnuts through tunnels,” anyone?      Only in America!

Conversations

     The C.S.O. and I were bantering over dinner, deriding various social fads from the Sixties all the way to today, when this happened: FWP: But you know which was the silliest of them? CSO: Which one? They’re all pretty silly. FWP: Yeah, but…Free Love? CSO: Hm? FWP: C’mon! There’s no such thing as “Free …

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